dear october;

October, October, October;

This is all I hear throughout the year.

October is when I fall apart, tear at the seams, wishing to tear at my skin or scrape myself clean

This year I hold onto the idea of a warmer October

As spring butterflies dance around my head, I try to collect their beauty and their yearn for sweetness.

Dear October,

why have you become so hard?

Dear me October,

you’ve got my mind in a flurry of fight or flight.

Poor October, poor me, I’m tired of being so gloomy, I pray for you to release me!

October,

free me from your shackles, change my expectations, make it easier;

My dearest October,

When will you be nicer to me?

Thank you October,

If you won’t be kind, I will be kinder,

If you won’t be sweet, I will be sweeter than your springs nectar,

If you won’t dance with me, I will prance around till I need to catch my breath,

and once I’ve done so,

once I can breathe,

I won’t wish you to be nicer to me;

And I promise I’ll stop saying, dear October, why do you hate me?

-a.m